I have held my tongue long enough!
After being repeatedly disappointed in the second season of the dollar-store version of Sex in the City, known to most of you, as “Single Ladies,” it’s time to make some things clear…
Single Ladies is doing its millions of viewers–who are largely female– a huge disservice. Not only are these characters void of executive level careers, it seems that their every dating move, must culminate in some version of sex, which usually creates an even more dysfunctional relationship than what was occurring pre-sex.
In fact, all of the relationships on this show exhibit some level of dysfunction. But, we continue to tune in because, for some, this is just life imitating are imitating life.
I was almost proud of the character played by Denise Vasi (Raquel) when she decided that she could date two different men. However, my pride was dashed (no pun intended) to bits as she took the opportunity to bed one of them during the same episode. Dating aint’ mating–consummating, that is–and as such is the case, should you follow the example of Denise’s character, you will end up just like she did…empty handed.
I won’t even go into the exploits of Lisa Raye’s character, because the truth is that she is too old to be un-gainfully employed, and driving the Ashton Martin her ex-signif bought for her. While there are some of you reading this who think that is cute. The truth is, she should be able to afford her own. Her own Ashton Martin, her own house, and her own life. But, that’s enough about that.
If you haven’t noticed, every time one of these women engages in the sexual conquests, they are the ones that are conquered. The lusts and passions of these characters are very true to life, and the outcomes of their decisions are very true to life, too. If you continue to use sex as a toy, tool, plot, or power play, you will remain as these characters do: SINGLE.
It’s no secret that I don’t advocate for premarital sex–in my life, or in my practice; however, if you don’t want to ride that wave with me, at least be mindful of the fact that sex is nothing to play with. It is nothing that you use to get or keep someone, nor is it something that is casual and without consequences.
Listen, relationship take time to build, and when you add sex before that foundation has been poured (and dried), then you leave yourself in a very vulnerable position. I am not saying that you should implement a three-month rule, or something ridiculous RULE for when you will give your body to someone, I am saying that sex will change your relationship. Done too early, it will change it for the worse. Too early for me, if before there’s a hyphen in my last name; however, again, you may not want to ride that wave with me–that’s fine. Just be clear about what you are doing when you are “doing it.” And to make it clear, you are shifting the possibility of building a relationship on ROCK, to one that is built on SAND. Have you ever seen a house built on sand? Nope–there’s a reason for that.
Bottom line…acting like a “single lady” will keep you a…(wait for it)
If that’s where you want to be, then carry on as you were. If not, then perhaps you need to reroute the path that you are on, and let Raquel, April and Keisha be characters you watch, not people you imitate.
Visit whatthelove.org to read more by Coach Steph.
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