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14
Mar

boissuq replay | Mr. Nice Guy

Published By:   Related entries: boissuq, oh boi!   Tags: , , ,

I have heard bois say “No more Mister Nice Guy” and “I’m tired of being too nice.”

Well fellas, I have a newsflash!  We women are so over the  ”Nice guys finish last” and “They don’t want a nice guy” talk!

And will someone please clarify how one can be “too nice?”

Now I have referred to  aforementioned as bois for a couple of reasons:

  • Only a boi would believe that a “woman” would prefer a man that dogs her out versus one that treats her with admiration and respect.
  • Only a boi would believe that he could not “win” over a woman if he treats her “nicely”.

Ladies I will speak for us in general (feel free to let me know if you differ) when I say…

We want a strong man, but strong does not equate mean.  You must have a backbone, yet this does not mean I want you to control me.  It is quite alright to tell me “no” sometimes…actually it’s what I expect.  I want to know that you will not allow me or anyone else to walk all over you, that you have the ability to stand up for your self (and me) if need be. I have a problem with a “Yes Man”.  If he is always trying to butter me up, always trying to give me honey, saying what he thinks I want to hear, showering compliments, but can never offer a positive critique…I don’t trust “it”…”it” being him, “it” being the relationship.

  • I feel that either he is insecure in himself and this is his way of overcompensating.
  • I am looking at him thinking this is the calm before the storm

If you agree with one-hundred percent of everything I say and/or do, I would begin to think that it is your representative I am dealing with.  I am looking for a partner, not a diplomat.

The interesting thing is, most men that would label themselves as “Too Nice” are typically the arrogant *bleeps*!  I have yet to hear a genuinely nice guy refer to himself as “too nice of a guy”… Many times “Mr. Nice Guy” feels that he has been wronged, when he is actually the one in the wrong.

© 2012, kelic. All rights reserved. This work is the property of the author as named above, and www.boissuq.com. No part of this work may be reproduced or redistributed, without the express, written consent of the owners as aforementioned.

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Matt R. Said:

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This is kinda funny, because out of the last two or three females I’ve talked to, they all gave me the “Matt, you’re too nice” or “Matt, you make a better friend than boyfriend” speech; and honestly, it hurt. I also admit that there times when I myself said that i wish I wasn’t the type of guy I am, maybe more women would be into me . . .

I never in my life would have thought that any woman would turn away a man who actually WANTS to do the right thing by her, and won’t take advantage of her, or treat her like sh!t . . . then another one of my female friends flipped the script. She told me that statements like that are really insecurities with themselves, and its nothing that I was doing wrong.

Looking back at the females who told me that, I realize that they aren’t the type of person I really should be with; they still have slightly childish mentalities, or are the type who are still into thug dudes, or whatever.

Bottom line is that I consider myself a nice guy because thats the way my mother raised me to be; respectful towards ALL women. But TOO nice? I still think that phrase is BS. If a man loves you, he cannot help but want to give you everything you want (granted, if he in love at the VERY beginning of the relationship, there’s a problem), but if you make a request, and its within his means to give it, why shouldn’t he? It is in a man’s nature to want the best for his woman, to give the best he personally can do; and if he feels it’s not enough, he will work harder to make it enough. At least, that’s how I always felt . . .

As far as feeling wronged, I used to feel that way too; but that same friend helped me realize something; if they miss out on me, it’s THEIR loss, not mine. It just means God didn’t have that person for me, and something better will come my way.

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kelic Reply:

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Glad you responded…and I agree. A “woman” would never walk away from a man because he’s too nice, unless there was something faulty within her…maybe they feel as though they are not deserving of a “nice guy” such as yourself.

Also glad you recognize that as long as you keep doing you, you will find the “right” one.

There is NO such thing as too nice, but some (both men and women) mistake kindness for weakness…their bad.

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KI Said:

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I’m like Matt (my name’s Matt, too… or at least some folks call me that)

And I like what he said.

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Jody Said:

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OOOOOOWWWWW I had to get on the laptop for this one! dont expect to much I have been slacking lately but I will try:
OK so you say that the Nice Guys say they finish Last? Uhhh this is true coming from an Ex-Nice Guy. I know this will put me in boissuq prison but I’m always 100 and I aint going to lie.
Assholes Finish First how i know this cause I used to be that dude who would open doors and wait and do all the things that women wanted (I even stop watching a football game for one) SMH! I was so nice she got “Nice” with my best friend (both ex’s and happily a miserable family) Once I let that ABN (Asshole by Nature) kick in it was a rap I got all the things I wanted from a woman. They do for me and I do for them when I want to. No I know its not right but you have to understand women say all the time i want a man who will do this and that for me but when they have that guy in front of them they don’t take it! Heck when I was coming up every time i was trying to get a chick she was with an asshole. I just took what i see they like to be with and ran with it! just recently a chick left me cause I was being a jerk! yes! she said that i was getting soft after about 2 weeks of me being a jerk she wants to “try again” so Assholes finish first nice guys finish last and with blue balls TWO POW

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kelic Reply:

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@Jody, I don’t see how this type of relationship could work…unless you are trulay an a-hole by nature…
otherwise why would you want a gyrl that you have to be someone else with?

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Jody Reply:

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@kelic, Ms.K what you seem to not realize is that these women are not looking for a relationship as much as they say they want to. Majorirty of women nowadays are so focused on the next come up they just want something to call their own no matter and nice guys might Kanye their goals because emotions will take over and then they will lose focus. I know I am not directing this to you! I am telling you from MY experience. its funny like women like the asshole me i keep it 100 they like the approach like i cant fail but what they dont know is i fail a lot that why i am home now alone typing this very statement but in the end it comes donw to… Nice Guys get married and become the Assholes and Asshole wished the were nice guys IM just a nice guy who never got married but i dont want to no mo

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Chad D Forsgren Said:

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I agree and disagree with this post there are part that are true such as that a man should not always agree and should stand up for himself as well as his girl when the times are right. Though it is not a fair classify any guy that says he is a nice guy. For example of a man that has been told he is too nice y may of his close friends, this would tend to make him believe he has been to nice, not that he is arrogant in any way. I not saying he has to flip full circle and turn into an asshole. He just needs to establish the line where being a nice guy and being taken advantage of or taken for granted is and firmly establish this line with her as a couple.

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kelic Reply:

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@Chad D Forsgren, I do believe that some mistake kindness for weakness and will try to test those limits…

at that point, I would think you would want to assess if this is someone you could build with?

And if you draw the lines and they can accept that, and don’t try to push their limits…then well, maybe.

But I have had a few guys tell me they can’t win with women because they’re too nice and we don’t want a “nice guy”…the unfortunate reality is that they truly not nice guys…they are arrogant and self-centered, thus why they finish last.

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Chad Forsgren Reply:

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@kelic,

I find your reply true and agree with you on the points you have made. Relationships are compromise that is properly done, equally balanced for both. Thank you for your comment reply.

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KI Said:

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You know what I’ve had happen to me? I’ve heard women that are with so-called assholes tell me they wish they were with a nice guy like me. Then when you tell ‘em to leave the nice guy, they stay with the asshole. OR, they’ve gotten with me before and left me because I was apparently “too nice”. Now I wouldn’t say I’m a “nice guy” per se… I just don’t have to be a dickhead to get my point across. It’s quite possible that a lot of these women are confused… they may want a nice guy but since they’re so used to being treated like shit, they get scared when they actually get a nice guy because they’re scared it’s all gonna go to hell.

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lifesprofylactic Said:

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Most genuinely nice guys tend to be opposed…ALOT and no not all women but ALOT tend to want a bad boy…A majority of my relationship with the exception of the latter have ended because I was nice, I listened, I was considerate, I cared and I did what I could for my woman…and the girls…didnt know how to handle that, didnt feel they were ready, didnt feel they were the one for that…so they broke up and EVERY last one of em except 1 has come bacc because they had everything they wanted…u r right I dont boast on being a nice guy but i do believe nice guys finish last…not every story ends like Laura Winslow and Steve Urkel well she comes to her senses………….moreso, i pulled a little experiment…i dress nice…fitted polos, my jeans fit, i love casual shoes bout as much as I love my forces…i keep my hair cut, love a cap or 2…im good…str8 American Eagle style lol and I am very polite..always..and when approaching girls that way…it was always…he dress white, he’s too nice, he must be gay…not my type…now thats me dressed…dressed down…forces, jordans, bball shorts, cut up tshirts, wifebeaters, caps, dogtags, necklaces…i have 3 large tattoos ears pierced I love sports bout as much as i love poetry and jazz….and when i am out in the streets wit my cut-up tshirts and etc….the eyes FLOCK…girls holla…it was so funny one day…that a girl told me she wudnt talk to me cuz i was not her style then she saw me on the ball court shirt off tattoos out and I was so he type…even moreso after i hit the blunt…(so for experimental purposes) i hooked up with her…she then “loved my whtieboy style” <<<her words….hypocritical<<<Umm yeah…that just goes to say i do think nice boys miss out or finish last alot…but most nice guys dont boast about bein nice…actions always speak louder than words

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Matt Said:

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I was wondering if I should jump on the same post twice, but seeing as how I have a little bit different perspective, I think I will.

Aggressiveness. ALL of my friendgirls have told me this is the single thing I need most. I don’t have to be a jerk, I just need to be aggressive.

It started one day while my friends [and crush] was over the apartment and she was a little bit tipsy. Somehow, some teasing lead to some poking, which somehow lead to me getting smacked with a sock, which then lead to a little wrestling match [or two]. After all was said and done, my friend Cat [who is also my new wing man] said that I had a completely different air about me, and it was hot. So, I tried it out again the next night while my crush [excuse the slightly childish term lol] was over; I’m not gonna say how it started, but she and I ended up having a full on wrestling match for about an hour, and after about the fourth time I pinned her down, I held her there and kissed her. It was different to say the least, but that’s what was missing from all of our previous interactions.

So, basically, I learned something in the few months that have passed since the first reading. I don’t have to become “one of them” to get attention [althought I STILL see "them" getting more play than nice guys]; I (as well as every other “too nice” guy) out there just needs to tap that male aggression sometimes. I still don’t believe women like being treated like dirt, but they do like knowing that a man won’t be a push over, and a nice guy can tell them different all day, but until they can see that aggressive [even playfully aggressive] side, it makes no difference.

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msgoodigoodi Reply:

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@Matt, Bravo! I am glad that you got everything you wanted, and STILL stayed true to yourself. Keep us posted. xoxo

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KI Said:

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You know… reading this a year later, I’ve had to think. It’s amazing what a difference time makes.

I’ve realized that a lot of what people go through has a lot to do with how they feel about themselves and what they’ll take. For instance (and I’m speaking about myself as well, so I ain’t pointing no fingers), guys’ll get involved with a woman whose emotions and self-esteem are WRECKED, thinking he can make her feel better about herself. So he’ll do the nice guy thing, hoping that she’ll see that she’s worth it. But, having those issues already in place, the woman will either take the guy’s kindness for weakness OR she’ll treat dude like crap because she’s not used to those things. So dude will leave the relationship generalizing, when that’s not the case – he really just couldn’t do anything about that woman. No one can change who doesn’t want to change.

Yes, this does go both ways, but I can only speak from my own perspective. I realize now that “nice” doesn’t mean “pushover”, and if a woman doesn’t want to get to know me because I’m not like the a-holes she’s met in the past… all I can do is pray for her and keep it moving.

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Adonis Said:

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Cut this BS out…

Women prefer MASCULINE Men and will sacrifice their morals & values to have one… Being a douche-bag has its benefits… I would encourage guys to be assholes first… women really don’t mind… Their complaints are BS… If women were truly tired of as$holes they wouldn’t give them the time of day…

Another BS complaint… Women enable As$holish behavior

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