boissuq.com | the line just got thinner…

16
Apr

boissuq replay| Are Women Stupid?

By Wisdom Is Misery

Max-Logic.com posed a simple yet interesting question in one of her recent blogs: Are You Stupid? A quote from that post:

“The problem is of course that the vast majority of people who want to talk to me about their relationship woes are women. And the problem with women is that when it comes to relationships they are largely….stupid.”

In contrast, on my Twitter account (@WisdomIsMisery) I wondered if women are stupid, emotionally driven or hopelessly optimistic? This is not to say the three can’t be equated or result in the same outcome. As a man I cannot say if women are stupid. Besides, it’s different from woman to woman but I will say women tend to do things I do not understand.

For instance, I’m talking (although we may no longer be talking as of the date of this posting) to a woman whom I told from the very beginning I was not looking for anything serious. We did what we had to do for a few months, which is a politically correct way of saying we were basically friends with benefits, when suddenly, but not unexpectedly, she asked me where this “relationship” was going? I re-informed her, in so many words, that it wasn’t going anywhere. She became upset.

Now I could retell this story a thousand different ways with a hundred different women but the theme is always the same: I tell women “A” she hears “A” but expects and plans for “Z”. This begs two questions: 1) one of which is the theme of this blog, Are Women Stupid? Or 2) Are men responsible for accounting for the future expectations of women even if they tell them the truth from the beginning?

I am of the belief that if I provide you all the facts that you need to make a sound, logical and basically grown up decision, then my responsibility ends there. In other words, if I say I’m not looking for anything serious and you are and you decide to date me anyway – and then things don’t work out as you imagined – then that is your fault, not mine. Also referred to as “your bad.”

However, I recognize a lot of women tend to let men dictate the relationship because that’s the status quo. I think this is flawed myself but apparently, I am in the minority. Maybe it’s because I’m a man. I’m not even saying women have to become the dominant sex more than I’m saying if that is not the role you are going to play, then you should at least wisely choose the type of men you will let into your heart, among other places.

I guess that brings us full circle. What do you think? Are women stupid? If a woman submits the direction of the relationship to the man, does he by the very nature of this role then bear more responsibility for accounting for his and her feelings regardless of if he tells her there is no future relationship guarantee? Let me put it like this:

Most men are not out to blatantly do women wrong. They are, however, opportunist. If he tells you he’s not looking for a relationship but you continue to call… He will answer. If you continue you to open your legs… He will get in between them. Everything is lackadaisical and care free, until you try to get him into a relationship. Suddenly he begins to refer back to his original disclaimer that he is not looking for a relationship despite all the relationship things you thought you two were already participating in, minus the title of course.

Obviously, someone in this equation needs to make an adjustment…

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The way I see it, women are far from stupid. The problem isn’t one of stupidity, its one of assumptions. I think many times EVERYONE lets gives more credit to assumptions than they do trying to find out the truth.
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In the case of this article, the man was very upfront about what the intentions are. However, I think that this woman assumed that once she gave him what he wanted, that he would change his mind. The guy is TOTALLY right about most guys being opportunistic; if the woman gives an opening of any sort, that opening will be exploited to its fullest.
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So, that being said, no one side is completely in the wrong; the men looking to take advantage of women who they know will give the opportunities are just as wrong as the women who assume that the given opportunities will change the men.

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Great comment. Question pertaining to this part:

So, that being said, no one side is completely in the wrong; the men looking to take advantage of women who they know will give the opportunities are just as wrong as the women who assume that the given opportunities will change the men.

Is it really taking ‘advantage’ if you’ve been honest? You may have been referring to the opportunistic men who simply “use” women, which makes sense. It seems at some point there has to be a personal level of responsibility. Call it being selfish or self-preservation if you want, but I believe women (and men) have to perform a self assessment if their actions aren’t resulting in the type of relationships they want. In the above scenario, however, it seems like 9 times out of 10 it will be the man who gets what he wants, no?

….not that I’m complaining.

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Matthew Richardson Reply:

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@WisdomIsMisery, I agree, every person needs to take into account their own actions too. As the great philosopher Katt Williams once said,” if you still 35 talkin’ bout ‘n*ggas ain’t sh*t’, you really should be examining what it is that YOU are doing to attract those type dudes in your life.
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And yes, I was referring to the opportunistic dudes, they mess stuff up for the rest of the guys who really aren’t trying to play games.

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Keli Said:

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I think the key issue is denial… women are often in denial of the situation. You are being honest and upfront, yet she is not accepting of what you have to say.

We also have this ill notion of “the love of a good woman can change a man…”

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[...] on other websites this week. 1) SingleBlackMale.org: Women Like Sex, I Think; and 2) Boissuq.com: Are Women Stupid? Please check out my posts and the accompanying host [...]


Starita34 Said:

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Denial, eternal optimists, hopeless romantics, stupid, using past experience and assumptions to govern current situations…whatever you call it, yep. We’re that. My only issue with the assertion though, is: it really illogical for us to be this way? Considering that many of the relationships that the men that we are “dating” has been in, he’s started out with that exact same statement? “I’m not looking for a relationship” and if you call him to the carpet on it, he’ll clarify usually and say, “but if it happens it happens…” and we see hope. Any woman worth her salt says, “Well, since I’m the baddest chick *I* know, then of course he’ll fall for me once he gets to know me…”

Not to mention, fellas do the saaaame thing. A man tells me he’s NOT looking for a relationship, I give him the “oh that’s too bad, because I am…” and then he, HE keeps calling, HE wants to take me out… So if the truth absolves the truth teller, then neither one of us is responsible for the others actions. So when I say, that in getting to know him ,I’ve decided that I want this thing to be headed somewhere, he can’t be mad and rolling his eyes. He knew as well as I did that this may happen.

Sorry I got distracted…that’s all I got for now. Great bloggin today Wis.

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CM Writer Said:

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I tend to come at this from a different perspective…as a woman who dated with the mentality that honesty guarded me from culpability. It does not. I dated guys and put out there that I did not want a commitment…which was indeed honest.

I realized that telling someone is not enough. You must also show the person. Meaning, if I do not want a commitment, I do not date someone who does. And you always know when a person wants one.

On the flip, I always tell women to pay attention to what a man says. If he says he does not want a commitment…do not commit your body, mind, or time to him. PERIOD. (same goes to men who come across women who feel that way.)
Only give your time to someone whose words and actions measure up to what you want.

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kelic Reply:

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I totally agree… we as women need to stop thinking, “If I give him what he wants, he’ll give me what I need…” if the man is not ready, he’s not ready… or maybe you just aren’t the one.

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Smilez_920 Said:

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Women are’nt stupid we just forget how much control we do and dont have in a situation. Men might point in the direction that the relationship will go (women have no control for the most part in that matter what he wants is what he wants), but women decide how far in that direction they will go with that man (this is where women have all the control).

For the most part we (women) have all the control in the situation and Men know this, men just put their bid out their and hope that we choose to go in the direction they want it too go.

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I completely agree with this gentleman and have to attest to being one of these stupid women.

BUT IN OUR DEFENSE…

Many women are not intentionally going out, meeting guys that don’t want a relationship and then getting pissed at them for not wanting one when we want one. Often the relationship starts out on mutual terms (e.g. we both just got out of relationships and looking to have fun, not looking for anything serious, enjoying the single life, etc.), but then after a long time of spending time with eachother and getting to know someone on a deeper level, the woman is succeptable to having deeper feelings. It’s not being stupid, it’s that we’re human, and we have feelings. The guy that is our friend with benefits may turn out to be just our type, our soulmate, our best friend. It can happen…

Awesome post,

Serial Dater (www.LoveintheA.com)

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NaijaSweetz Said:

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I find this post funny because I referenced this type of situation in my post on SBM today. But I was held accountable in the same way men are generally held accountable for leading women on. Eh, whatevs.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: while a man can be faulted for leading a woman on if it is clear that she’s falling and gaining hope, one’s heart and body are and will always be one’s primary responsibility. By a certain age, a good number of women have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with someone who made it clear that he wasn’t on the market for a serious relationship, but holding out hope nonetheless. You get a pass the first time, and maybe the second as well, just in case you were under the impression that the first was a fluke. Beyond that? Nah. Yes, feelings may intensify down the line and the game may change, but if you know that you ultimately want something more, it is your duty to step aside once you’ve been clued in. You should know yourself and what you can and cannot deal with. If you do not take someone at their word, you’re making it hard for me to side with you.

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@svictoria24 Said:

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Honestly though… If the man KNOWS that the woman cannot enter into a “no strings”-sex only, relationship with him and yet he continues to put himself in the situation… Then who’s really stupid? You keep doing the same old thing each time hoping for a different result…. At the core of it, isn’t she just doing to same?

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