| the line just got thinner…


boissuq replay | criteria

when we were younger, things were so different.  the people that we would accept into our lives then are very different than the people we would give access to now–at least i would hope so.  for the bois, it means going beyond the gyrl with the short skirt and the tiiiiiiiiight top and looking for someone real and authentic (with a tight top-ha!).  on the other hand, gyrls who once settled for ballers, thugs, and the cute guy you passed in the hallway in 6th period, have  replaced them with a list of attributes that we have  created based on our experiences with the bois we have been with and the men that we never should have.

something about that thing–criteria.

criteria is used to qualify things and people that will have the privilege of being included in whatever group is searching to fill an opening.  that was almost too many words to say that criteria is what separates the p’s from the vip’s.

however, in relationships, have we gone too far?  are we searching for people who do not even exist? or, is this a self-sabotaging strategy to protect us from the hurts of the future?

i’m just asking…

the truth is that as we mature, it becomes more difficult to find people that will accept us for who we are.  if you are educated, try finding an educated partner that is still fun and willing to do undignified things, like fall on roller skates and laugh at old episodes of “in living color” or some other random show you like.  now, that is not to say that he/she does not exist, but its harder to find this proverbial “needle” in a haystack of hoochies/hoochers.  additionally, being educated with a career could be a sentence for solitary confinement.

but i digress…ah, yes…back to criteria.

everyone has criteria–what they want, what they don’t want, what is absolutely unacceptable…and so on and so forth, but does this christmas list of traits that our next significant other should (or must) bring to the table, ever work out?

does someone ever meet the criteria.  or, are we dooming ourselves to forever search for men/womyn that do not walk among us.  are we hoping to find some superhuman member of the opposite sex that will have all the personality, ambition, and sensuality that we could ever hope for?  even scarier than the fact that this person may/may not exist, is the reality that perhaps we have met the closest match humanly possible and failed to notice because they failed to meet some other criteria on our little list?


i am as guilty as anyone reading this, so i am saying the following to all of us:  maybe its time to ditch the list, and open our minds (and hearts) to the possibilities that are right in front of us…and realize that life just might bring us everything we never knew we always wanted.


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Matt R. Said:

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Well, I can say I agree completely with ditching the list. My cousin once gave me some great advice that said I should list the things I wanted in a girlfriend/future wife, but more importantly that I should PRIORITIZE the list in a way that there are things that are a necessity down to things that I would like but aren’t deal breakers. Also there should be things that simply shouldn’t be tolerated (like for me, smoking is a big negative). That way, I don’t just fall for the next pretty face I see. By doing that, you can still have your list, but it also opens up more possibilities than just having a list in no particular order.


msgoodigoodi Reply:

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@Matt R., Truly a great piece of advice…prioritizing could definitely help. ;)


Day Love Said:

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Loving this post for several reasons! 1. You are SO right: we create this list that equates to a perfect, and very IMAGINARY, soul~mate. I was advised by several “mentors” to create my list and pray on it often and watch God bring the man of my dreams to me. I would know him because he would fit ALL the criteria on my list. *ENK* WRONG! 2. The very first thing you said needed more emphasis… when we were YOUNG, we looked for the superficial, short-term, make-me-happy-right-now Mr. or Mrs. Right. Now that we are older, HOPEFULLY we have put away childish things & are looking for something more beautifully substantive.

Now, let me just give you my own experience with the list thing. One day after my spiritual ME time, I looked back at my “list” and decided to TRASH it. I made another list… but only put 1 thing on it, and left it alone… When I first met my now fiance’, he was the furthest thing imaginable from my original list … however, he did fit that one criteria on my new list. Being understanding. After dating him for a few months and contemplating whether I wanted it to become more serious or not, I was advised to make a new list, of all the pro’s & con’s about him… then I was told to prioritize THAT list, based on things that were important to me (I was told to STAR the dealbreakers). Turned out, a lot things that I thought were important to me in him just were not, after I gave them real consideration. Vice versa. So, that’s how I grew to know more about myself and what I wanted from/could deal with in a relationship. Needless to say, he had no stars on the list, so I decided we could move things forward… and here we are today!

I would just advise anyone who is making these types of lists to be realistic with yourself and to use it as a tool for self-soulsearching and not strictly for mate-searching. And know that YES, God will send a beautiful soul your way… BUT no one comes ready-made, molded to perfection, and ready to go off the assembly line! If the person you are dating has ALL pro’s & NO con’s… the whole thing just might be a CON, so keep those eyes open, keep that spirit open, and keep the lines of communication OPEN! Those 3 will let you know whether that list really means anything or not! xoxo


kelic Reply:

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Thank you for sharing. Good advice! When I look back and reflect, I realize that many things I use to consider important, now are not not that crucial at all. I do think there are certain things that I need in someone else, but the important part, is not overlooking the “one” because you have some unrealistic description of what he will look like based on a list of criteria. And yes, communication is key!

Congratulations on your engagement!


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