ok…i tricked you, there is no method you can use to manipulate, prod, or cajole the truth out of someone; but i will examine why we don’t tell the truth, and how much better things would be if we did.

in any relationship, trust is an issue.  either you do not trust, you trust too much, or you are seeking trust–whichever the case, the issue is trust

so why do  people not tell the truth–especially in a relationship?  The answer is very simple, they do not trust the other person. they do not trust that after this statement or that statement that this person will stick around, and you want them to.

so, what to do?

i will keep this quick and easy so that when you forward it, the recipient will not get confused…

start off with the truth.
this makes things very easy, and if he/she cannot accept your truth, then at least you are not six months into the relationship when you find out that he has three kids and not just one, or that she was married before and she killed her husband (sounds a little intense, but it happens). if you commit to being honest from the beginning, then you do not have to back peddle and sidestep to keep up a facade. do not discount your significant other/potential significant other…they may be able to handle whatever you have to say.  so say it!

realize that there is a time and place for revelation.
let us be clear, so that there are no questions: confessions during sex are not acceptable; just as confessions during a lazy day or a great date are not either. in order to divulge information, one has to set the stage. please bypass the “we need to talk” statement as best as possible, but make it clear that you have something to tell her/him.

do not fear the fallout.
here’s the deal: your truth is your truth. much of it has already happened and you can’t change it, and anyone who wants to be a part of your life has two choices: accept it or reject it.  however, in order to be fair, you have to recognize that it is their right for your truth to be a deal breaker (especially if you have been withholding this truth), and you have to be okay with that.  you cannot build a relationship of any kind on a lie.

see, i love the bois/gyrls that tell their companion that they did not tell them the truth because they did not want to hurt them.  however, as they stand in front of you shocked, appalled and HURT, you have to wonder just how well that plan worked out for them.  it didn’t…

so, do us all a favor and be honest–keep it real–so that everyone is on the same page, and so that those that do not want to deal have the option not to.  the person that said, “what you don’t know, can’t hurt you,” was lying…

…which means they were not telling the truth either.

one more thing, while i have applied this article to being honest in a relationship, this should also be applied to starting a relationship.  if you are not interested, then just say that…there is no need to avoid phone calls, emails, or texts… just be honest and let her/him know that you are not interested–or that you are not interested in that way.

the biggest compliment that you can pay someone who is interested in you is the acknowledgment of their feelings.  listen, everyone is not going to look at you and want to share their life with you.  that being said, we all must recognize that when someone shows interest in us, its truly a gift, and its special; it is not something that we should ignore or pray that it goes away–just deal with it.

honesty is the best policy–it may not be the most popular policy, but it is still the best.

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